Kristin Armstrong Shares What Each Season of Life Can Teach Us

No one I know makes peach cobbler at Christmas, or serves grilled sweet corn with Thanksgiving turkey. Why? Because produce, like life, tastes better when we enjoy it in season.

I tell my clients all the time that we are seasonal creatures. What works or feels good in one season of life may not fit another. The friendships you formed when your children were little — or the people you sat beside at track meets and football games — may not align with who you are once the nest is empty. Your college roommate may or may not be the person you call when it’s time to move your parents into assisted living. Your sorority sisters may or may not be the people who feed your family and carpool your kids while you go through chemotherapy.

Even your tastes change. The foods you loved as a child may seem disgusting now (though I still love mac and cheese). The major you chose in college may have nothing to do with the career you love today. Maybe you once backpacked through Europe and slept in hostels, and now you prefer a nice hotel.

Embrace the moment

I’ll never forget a talk I gave years ago about purpose and the meaning of life. During the Q&A, a woman in the back stood up near tears with a shaky voice. She said, “I just feel so bad. I have no idea what my purpose is, or how to figure out my calling, or what I’m even good at.”

I asked for a snapshot of her life, and she replied, “Well, I have five kids, ages ten and under … ”

I smiled and stopped her there. “Honey,” I said, “Slow down. You are in a season where what you need to do is right in front of you. There will be other seasons to think about how you want to use your time and energy, and what your calling may be then. Not today.”

She took a deep breath and smiled at me as if I had given her permission to fully inhabit that season of her life — without pressure or guilt.

I’m in “Part 2” of my life now. Active-duty motherhood is behind me, though I’m still very much on retainer. Parenting adult children is a delightful and tenuous space between motherhood and friendship. In a single day, I might be a mother, friend, consultant, coach, silent witness or human Venmo.

Many friends my age are easing into retirement and a more vacation-like rhythm. I’m not there yet. I still want to earn a Friday feeling. I still crave structure, challenge and purpose. I’m endlessly curious — currently working on my PhD — and my work in private practice stays alive because people are never predictable. No two sessions are the same.

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Trust the process

Whatever season you are in, enjoy the fruit that is in season. Savor what is ripe and ready. Plant seeds of what you want to cultivate for future harvest. We need to trust the process. Nature is a wise teacher. If we plant a seed, we can’t dig it up every day to check on its progress. It needs to sit quietly, embedded in the dark earth, until the appointed time. We cannot shred open the bud of a flower to make it bloom faster. We destroy and limit the beauty of life when we try to force things into unnatural seasons. Just like the seed and the flower, we require patience and nurturing to witness our own unfolding.

As we move into summer, pay attention to your own rhythm. What do you need for your unfolding? Is this a season to rest, play and prepare? To reconnect with nature and the people you love? To travel, explore and seek adventure? Or to simplify, streamline and nest?

Whatever season you’re in, I wish you the gift of presence and possibility.

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